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Silicone vs. Water-based lubricants - Sean, Age 31

Lube is the key to good anal sex. But you don't necessarily need to use a vat of it every time.

I highly recommend getting a silicone-based lubricant for anal sex. Water based lubricants can dry out and make things stickier and messier than they need to be. A good silicone-based lubricant like Eros or Wet Platinum will work wonders.

It only takes a small amount and you will be lubricated for hours. I was sold the day I went to buy some lube and the guy at the store put a small drop on my fingers. He told me to rub them together and to come back when it wore off. Thirty minutes later, I was at the cash register.

If you are going to use water-based lubricant, more isn't necessarily better. Water-based lubes dry out as they evaporate. Keep a small bottle of water next to the bed. Sometimes instead of more lubricant you just need to reactivate the lube you have with a couple of drops of water.

I like to use a misting bottle as the sensation of a cool mist of water both helps to keep the lubricant active, but also feels good on your partner and helps them relax. A nice mist can be quite sexual and adds to the overall effect of taking your partner into consideration.

Tongue first - DJ, London, Age 40

My wife never liked to play with anus. But I slowly started to caress her anus during foreplay. She started to like it. Now whenever I start sex, I first eat her vagina and then slowly down to the anus. When she starts moaning, I turn her to face her anus up and starts tongue fucking her anus. this might take about ten to  fifteen minutes. She loves this so much. Now is the time to alternate with the finger, but very slowly. 

After couple of minutes, I rub lots of jelly (water-based) on my penis and on her anus as well. This time slowly the head goes and keep  it there for a while. Now slowly I push forward and leave it there. Now is the time to fuck her slowly, sometimes stimulating her clitoris and rubbing it. A great sensation, she loves it and moans for it. I finally empties my sperm in her rectum. She says she now loves it more than the vaginal sex. You need lots of patience.

Thank about her - Los Angeles, Age 38

I disagree with some of the things the guys say and agree with everything the women say.  Anal sex can be very special, but only with a woman who really enjoys it.  If she is lying there not responding (a total turnoff), then she is tolerating it, meaning she is either not being stimulated or is in pain and not telling you.  Watching porn videos is not the way to go, and spit is not enough.  

The woman should be in charge, telling you when to go, how far to go, and most importantly, when you should stop!  When she says stop, stop right then.  She will feel in control and know she can trust you.  Stop doesn't mean stop forever, it means stop for the moment until she relaxes, or for the time being.  If you don't, don't be surprised if it is your last time with her.   Stimulating her is very important while doing it;  she will get to the point where she will stimulate herself while you are doing it, but you need to be aware of her at all times while you are in never-never land.   Believe me, she will know when you are only focusing on your own pleasure at her expense. 

Lastly, the guy who said anal sex is a good alternative for birth control is dead wrong.  It's easy to get pregnant from semen leaving the rectum and entering the vagina.  Birth control should be used anyway. 

Remember, she is in charge, and if you forget this, let her put on a strap-on and ream you sometime, stud.  You'll get the picture real fast! 

Inch by inch - Vince, UK, Age 39

Always make sure that you apply plenty of lubrication. I find that using baby oil is excellent (and plenty of it), only attempt anal sex after lots of foreplay and vaginal penetration. I find that the best position for the woman's comfort is the missionary. Very slowly push the tip of your penis in about an inch and then STOP, wait for about a minute, ease out slightly and then slowly push forward again this time inserting about 2 inches and then wait again.

After waiting she will feel relaxed and comfortable and will probably start to push back, letting you know that she can take some more, keep doing this until your entire penis is in and then start to thrust back and forth very slowly, have some lubrication to hand and within reach as you may feel that you need some more and don't want to spoil the moment, encourage her to masturbate and stimulate her clitoris at the same time and you should both really enjoy it. 

One last tip, don't ask her to do anal every time, I find it is better to wait and do it 1 out of every 4 times you have vaginal intercourse.

After play - Pennsylvania, Age 45

My wife loves to be on her back, spread open as far as possible. While I'm fucking her vaginally I will apply saliva to the brown hole and get it good and wet. She will take my cock in her hand and position it and let me know when she is ready to be penetrated. It has to be a good hard on to get thru. She will instruct me as to the speed of penetration. Once it is in, we will continue to apply saliva on the shaft. I make sure I cum before taking it out. Once it is out, that's it. I will hug and kiss her for as long as it takes at this point to comfort her. This is the most important time. She has done something special and you have to let your lover know that you deeply appreciate it. Anal sex can be a good fuck for both if done at the woman's control and comfort.

Pro Enema - Michigan

I am a bisexual male and I enjoy anal.  It is very important to cleanse the bowels with an enema before you and your partner play.  You will find that you will be able to relax more and enjoy it more because you will not accidentally evacuate.  Plus it also makes it a lot cleaner.  

Always start small then move up!  I don't recommend KY Jelly *original* because it seems like it needs moisture to activate.  I recommend a good water-based lube instead.  And don't forget to use lots of it.

Lick it - Southern California

After some hot foreplay I lick my partners pussy tongue fucking her.  On her back I lift her legs exposing her ass then run my tongue down to her anus.  There I lick around it then tongue fuck her hole alternating with my finger.  After she gets really wet I slowly slide my cock in a little at a time until all seven inches is inside.  She wasn't really into anal sex because her ex-fiance (wonder why) tried it and it hurt her until I started with her.

Get her hot - RD, Dallas, Age 39

Get her really hot!  My wife responds best after a really good cunnilingus/analingus session.  She normally likes to play with her clit and masturbate herself to orgasm while I lick her pussy and asshole.  I then usually enter her vagina and work my well lubricated finger or thumb into her ass.  If she is interested in anal intercourse I will continue until I can get a 2nd finger into her.  You can feel the muscles relax when she is ready for more.  Don't rush it.  Use lots of patience and lube.  We find saliva works fine if you use enough, K-Y is OK too.

When she is ready I rub the head of my cock on her asshole.  She really seems to love this.  (We have been married 20 years and are monogamous, so we don't use condoms)  She normally stimulates her pussy and clit at the same time.  When she is ready she will push against the cock while bearing down as if to take a shit.  The muscle opens right up.  Once it is inside she normally likes to be fucked pretty hard while she masturbates.  When she is really hot and ready this is a fantastic experience we enjoy every 4 or 5 weeks.  If you try too hard before she is lubed and ready, it can spoil her whole night and attitude about anal sex. 

Two Tips - JT, Midwest, Age 45

1 When first entering, ask your partner to "bear down" as if having a bowel movement.  It opens the anal ring a bit and makes it easier for you to get inside without trying to push the anal ring inside with you.

2. Explain that after you are inside, the urge to have a bowel movement is just the feeling of fullness, and not really a mess waiting to happen.  Accept it as part of the experience and let the feeling be a turn-on, and not a worry.

Double Up - Khaibit, Australia, Age 27

Double penetration is something that people might want to explore once they have started having anal. Having your lover fuck herself with a vibrator while you are having anal is an incredible feeling. Equally, you can do the opposite; I have found the best position for this is missionary with the girl using the vibrator on her ass.

Four tips - Anonymous, Age 30s

Tip 1: Get a good book (seriously).

As part of a Valentine's day gift I did some careful shopping and gave my lover some books of erotic stories, books on sensual massage and techniques, and two books on anal sex (and anal health). I did a lot of looking and settled on two great books:
(1) The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino.
(2) Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin.

Tip 2: Let her know that she is in control. Tell her that. My lover thanked me when I did and I know that she meant it. This is really important unless you're into some kind of rough domination thing. The only way she is going to relax, avoid anxiety and experience pleasure (at least in the beginning) is if she feels in control of when, how much, how fast, what position, etc... . This is where reality diverges from the porn flicks and why I recommend avoiding them as a training tool or a source of inspiration (unless you are damn sure that she is actually turned on by them). Virtually every porn movie I've seen that has anal sex is about as far away from the experience that will turn most women on a they could possibly get. They don't portray good anal sexual experiences for most women and if you use them as a guide, you will likely regret it.

Tip 3: Make sure you do it in a way that allows her to orgasm virtually *every time*. You want her to have a good association with anal sex. Cumming every time you do it is a pretty damn good reinforcement. There are lots of ways this can be accomplished. Use your imagination, ask her what she would like at the moment and read the books for more ideas.

Tip 4: Let her know that anal sex is just another flavor of sex that you occasionally enjoy with her. Don't present it as the *ultimate* sex or the rest of your sex life will suffer because you have just defined it as average by default. Don't expect or try to have anal sex or stimulate her anally every time you have sex (unless she asks for it of course). I have met women who were with men who became obsessed with anal sex after finally convincing her to go there. Really stupid. If she has enjoyed the way you have introduced anal sex into your relationship, she will ask you for it when she wants it and then it will be a wild ride that you will not forget for a long while. Enthusiasm is a wonderful thing in the bedroom.

Go to the toy store - Erin, BC, Canada

f you have toys, so much the better. We used a vibrator (smaller than me, and so not as intimidating) that had been coated with lube (Astroglide is the best I've found so far) before I tried entry myself.  It worked wonders. Also, be aware that you can run out of lube, so keep some at hand!

Slow and easy - Age 25

Definitely, lots of lube.  Also, need to begin by inserting something smaller than a penis.  Try a finger, and just leave it there for a minute or so.  Stimulate clit, but don't thrust your finger.  Need to allow her to relax and adjust to the sensation.  I think one tip I heard was one finger for one minute, two fingers for two minutes (and maybe three fingers, depending on how wide you are).  Oh, and if you have terribly rough fingers, use a latex glove or a condom over your finger - very uncomfortable to have rough fingers in that opening, especially the first time.  Just insert and hold, waiting for her to relax to sensation.  Same thing with the penis - lots of lube, go slowly, and just hold still when you're about 2 inches in.  There may be discomfort (kind of a burning sensation, not exactly pain if well-lubed), and this goes away after initial involuntary panic by body at the penetration.  Count to 100 or something, then slowly withdraw and insert a little further.  If she's comfortable, she should begin to press back against you.  Once she's over the initial penetration, there's no discomfort at all, and you can move freely.  Let her be in control of when you can start moving, though.  Moving right off is definitely a bad idea - need to give a moment to adjust to the penetration before any thrusting.  Also, you should wear a condom, but if you don't - ask her if it's okay if you come in her ass. 

Getting started - JR, Canada, Age 24

Turns out my fiancée loves anal sex more then vaginal sex (yeah she's tight, but why complain about a good thing?)

Some tips? Of course...

Number one is lubrication and lots of it. If she's dry, forget it...it ain't going in no matter how hard you try and it will hurt her a lot if you do. Get that asshole wet...use one of the following: water, spit (yes, your own spit), oil (ie: massaging oil, lubricating oil, or even canola oil...trust me on this one). Finger her slowly. Let her ass get used to your finger...graduate slowly upwards...two fingers (don't forget to add the lubrication every time)..then when she's wet and loose enough, slip yer snake in the hole.

Number two is to keep your cock stationary inside her. This'll do two things, she'll get used to you being inside her and you can absorb and love her warmth. Kiss her back, massage her tits, etc...the thing is time. Then...

Number three is to move slowly in and out of her. If you got this far and she's moaning, congrats! Enjoy the ride. Her ass is going to be much tighter then your pussy, so you're going to want to cum sooner then you hoped for. The key thing here is just to keep the pace, concentrate on her and use your hands only for support.

For the long haul - Los Angeles, CA

Patience my man is right.  I've been dating my current partner for over three years.  We've been having intercourse for the last two and a half years.  I just got my first taste of anal sex about two months ago.  Aside from being patient, you have to play the part of the good fisherman.  You have to playfully drop the topic out in front of her, but you can't be too forceful or insistent on her compliance.  Unless your woman likes to be submissive, that approach won't work.  For most women (I assume), the idea needs to be gently planted and then periodically maintained through slight jokes, anal play during love-making sessions, watching videos, or by just occasionally talking about it.  I found that making a few light-hearted jokes about it helped my cause.

But whenever you get there, don't go a screw things up by being rough.  Go slow.  Maybe you won't get to go all the way in.  That's ok.  As long as your partner knows that you are responsive to her needs and she trusts you, you will get to step back up to the plate.

Patience my man - San Diego, CA

I always sided with her in thinking that it would be painful and told her that it would be futile to try anymore. During sex, I used my fingers to heighten her pleasure - first one, then two, and so on. It wasn't long before she told me that we should try again! After penetration, I let her 'drive' by applying the motion to her liking. Again, it wasn't long before she was telling me to fuck her hard in the ass! Patience, is a virtue.

Focus on light anal play - Texas Male, Age 22

Already mentioned tips on this page are excellent. I would really like to stress the importance of light (and safe) anal play before doing the deed at hand. The more comfortable your girl (or guy) is with having the sacred area poked/stroked/licked, the more likely you are to make it to the holiest of holies. 

This doesn't mean just ram your finger in during a random love making session.  you might start by casually rubbing the area during oral sex.  get some feedback from him or her and see if she/he would like more stimulation (including penetration) from your "oh-so-magical" hands. I spent about 2-3 months at this point to "prep" my girl for anal bliss. 

Anyway, above all else, be gentle and very open to her communication attempts/body language.  If she doesn't seem into it at first, just lay off. You might have lost the battle, but if you play your cards right, the war will be won before you know it. 

Watch some videos - Florida Male

My recommendation is to get into watching adult videos with your girlfriend for awhile before bringing up the possibility of doing anal yourselves. While not the best in instructional fare, pornos can make the lady feel less concerned about the safety issue of anal sex. After a while of watching girl after girl take it in the butt, your girlfriend or wife will get to feeling like it's not that big a deal, and she might be ready to try it with you. It might also be a good idea to reassure her that you're not expecting her to perform some of the more advanced anal sex acts that you'll be seeing in those pornos (like ass-to-mouth and double penetration).

One last tip would be to bring up the excellent contraceptive benefits of anal sex. Condoms and birth control pills may fail, but the butt will never let you down!

Now, show me the me to tips submitted by women.

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